Brilliant!

Summer is a veeery slow time here at HQ. As in, I sit here at my desk from 8:30am to 5:00pm every day and usually only do about an hour's worth of legit work. It isn't because I'm lazy or don't want to do work--there is just nothing to do when school isn't in session.

I am lucky that my friend Janie works here at HQ with me. I don't think I've mentioned her yet. We met when we both joined the same sorority halfway through freshman year in college, and ever since we've hung out in the same group of friends (a group that has tragically been splayed across the country). I really like that Janie and I have chosen this great Midwest city to call home, as well as this great (psyc) office to call...um...our office.

Janie works upstairs and doesn't do financial things, but we commiserate together on how slow the summer is. We were just shooting the breeze a la Gmail chat, and I suggested that a great way to avoid working all summer was to go on maternity leave. This is what my two co-workers have come up with. One just came back last week, and another leaves to pop out her bebe in early August.

Unfortunately, going on maternity leave would mean I would have to get pregnant, and that's not really part of my life plan right now. Come on, I saw Knocked Up a couple of weeks ago. I know how horrifying it would be to have a child. Ugh.

Other possibilities for my extended summer leave of absence:
-Scurvy (inspired by viewing pics of delicious Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow online this morning).
-TB.
-Mono.
-Gout.
-Severe adult chicken pocks.
-Bursitis. Suggested by my friend Elise.
-Menopause. Also suggested by Elise, but modified by Jessamyn:

"YESSSSSSSSS! DO THE MENOPAUSE! that would be so fun to pretend to have! you could bring in sweaters for when you're cold and then time yourself so every 15 minutes you get up and go 'gosh is it hot in here or is it me?' and then strip down to a tank top. and you could get a small spray bottle and spray fake sweat on you and get a fan to put in your office. you could also talk to the 70 year old lady about when it was 'her time'...so much potential to keep yourself busy during the day on that one. also during your hot flashes you could eat popsicles. and if you had a really long hot flash you could just eat popsicles all day at work."

Hmmm, that is a definite possibility. But then it would forever prevent me from using the I-have-cramps-and-need-to-go-home excuse that is used so often here in the 99.99% female office.

I think maybe mono is my best bet. So that I don't have to go make out with a bunch of random high school boys, I went to WebMD to find out other ways to catch this disease. It seems like the only way to get it is to somehow expose myself to an infected person's saliva, mucus, or tears. Tears?! GROSS!! Then I need to weaken my immune system. Easy as pie. I'll just drink a LOT for a whole week and sleep two hours a night. It'll be just like I'm in college again!

Extended summer vacation, here I come!