Crazy People at Work, Part 2: Winnie the Pooh

Another one of the crazies here at HQ is Winnie. A little backstory: I was originally hired last summer by a different department than the one for which I currently work. I was in charge of the payroll. I worked upstairs in a large, open room with two other gals. Torrence was totally normal and we quickly became friends and bonded over the fact that we were new to the office and weren't sure if we had made the biggest mistake of our lives. But Winnie was just a kook...and maybe bi-polar too.

The following are emails I sent to my friends regarding Winnie:

"Winnie has a little radio on her desk that she always tunes to local country stations. Since it's almost the Fourth of July, they are playing a lot of patriotic songs. Right now, she is singing along to “God Bless the USA,” which has come on the country radio channel she always has on. She is singing LOUDLY and with PASSION and GUSTO. I feel like I need to stand and put my hand over my heart."

"I am currently in the 17th minute of listening to Winnie drone on and on and on about the ice sculpture she is having at her wedding in February. She’s not actually talking to me--she’s on the phone with various ice artists and whatnot--but this is a small room and I can hear everything perfectly. If I ever get married or have friends who ever get married or siblings who ever get married, we are banning ice sculptures. Nothing like having $300 literally melt away. RIDICULOUS."

"I am trying SO HARD to keep my laughter inside right now, but I can feel it bubbling over. I have to pinch myself to get my mind on something else. Winnie was once again talking about her wedding and how she and her fiancé were talking last night about the music at the reception. Apparently he is a HUGE Star Wars fan and wanted some song entitled "Chewbacca" on the play list. She said she firmly told him no, because this is a wedding. That part of the conversation was quite funny. But everything got EVEN FUNNIER when she said, "Actually I’m going to surprise him, and when he and I are walking back down the aisle after the ceremony, instead of playing a traditional song, I’m going to surprise him by playing the Emperor’s March." That’s right. THEY ARE GOING TO WALK DOWN THE AISLE TO STAR WARS! I know that there are many people out there that enjoy Star Wars. I have seen the movies and think they’re fine. But I don’t know if Star Wars and weddings really mix."

Winnie is only 30, but she looks much older. She usually pulls her poorly-dyed blonde hair back in a severe, tight ponytail and secures it with a scrunchy, a la 1989. Her attire is the thing that immediately sets her off from the rest of society. She wears these long, flowy skirts almost every day, except I don't think they are actually skirts. I think they are just large swatches of flowy fabric wrapped around her waist and somehow secured at the top, because the slit (rip?) up the side goes all the way to her undies. When she walks, Winnie has to clutch the fabric in one hand to keep her hoo-ha covered. Not a pleasant sight.

My favorite outfit of hers, however, has nothing to do with revealing floral skirts. No, the best days are when she wears super-tapered mom khakis, pilgrim-style black shoes, and a denim button-down shirt embroidered with characters from the animated Winnie the Pooh series. That's right, the gang's all there! Pooh, Piglet, Eeyore, Rabbit, Kanga, Roo, and Tigger, all stiched right onto the denim goodness. Oh man, I start to laugh just thinking about it. And the greatest thing of all is that the characters on her shirt are an exact match to her office supplies. The Tigger stapler, the Eeyore business card holder, the Rabbit post-it holder, the Piglet paper clip holder, and the Pooh pencil holder. Maybe the shirt and the supplies came together in one package? That would make sense. Though I guess all Winnie-the-Pooh stuff probably looks strikingly similar. I only worked upstairs with Torrence and Winnie for three months. Then this position in finance opened up downstairs, and I immediately applied. People said I was a go-getter, and that's fine. They can think that my professional drive is what motiviated me to look for bigger and better things (on a different floor). In reality, though, it was the fact that if I didn't get out of that room upstairs, I was going to lose it. I still see Winnie on a fairly regular basis, and we say hello to each other. She still dresses crazy. I guess her wedding went well (I was immediately uninvited as soon as I transferred departments), though I don't know if they played any Star Wars music after the ceremony ended. I wonder if anything was Pooh-themed?