Poison Corn

Dear Ghost of Halloween Present,

I must let you know, I have not yet come up with a brilliant costume for this year's festivities, but I'm sure I'll think of something. I need to. Remember last year when I was having a severe fat week? And I meticulously scoured my closet and the only modest thing I could put together slightly resembled that fool Gillian from Gilligan's Island? And then when I went up to Alex's and donned my red polo and white sailor's hat twenty minutes before everyone arrived to the party, Alex told me I looked atrocious and he was seriously considering dropping me off on my own remote island far, far away? And then I cried a little because dammit I agreed with him and would have banished myself to an island and I felt like a freak in that hat so in the end I just wore one of his Oxford shirts and pretended I was Tom Cruise in Risky Business? Yes, I remember that horrible day. So let's have a better costume idea this year. No tears need to be shed and no thoughts of banishment need to occur, please.

But I digress. The reason I write today is to ask--nay, BEG--you to discontinue the production of all candy corn, candy pumpkins, and candy whateverelse. Please. They are GROSS! Seriously, does anyone like them? Is this your idea of a sick joke, to taunt me with a huge bowl of sweet processed confection here at the office? We are all aware that I get serious sugar cravings in the afternoons, and even though I know full well that I HATE them, I can't resist grabbing a candy corn or two every time I pass that fateful bowl. I pop them in my mouth and GAHHHH! I immediately regret it, because it's too oddly sweet and the texture hurts my teeth, just like nails on a chalkboard. Yet I can't resist! I punish myself, I know that I do. I am a walking Intro to Psych 101 project. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!

So because I have no spine and cannot resist these Morsels of Temptation, for the love of all that is delicious at this time of year, PLEASE scour the earth and rid us of these treacherous bits of candy poison!

Thank you. And please also send some good costume ideas this way.

Frightfully yours,
Margo