Freak Show

Ever since headquarters went through this horrible "restructuring" process and I lost my dear neighbor Ermatrude, there have been a couple of different people filling in as the front secretary. Most have been totally fine; the phone doesn't actually ring that often in the summer, so the women tend to surf the net all day long (just like me!). But every once in a while, I would find Winnie the Pooh sitting there. At the end of last week, she was there more and more often, but I admit that my mind was on other things (the weekend) and I didn't give it much thought.

I was out of the office on Friday, but when I came into work this morning I realized immediately that I had missed some huge, major, life-changing decision. When I walked in the front door, I was magically transported to Disney World. It was horrifying and for a good 30 seconds, all I could do was stand there, mouth gaping, taking in all the animated-character goodness that covered every inch of Ermatrude's formerly old-lady-like desk. Gone were the dusty fake flowers. Gone was the lighthouse calendar. The tiny gurgling fountain was gone too (which is actually fine, because it made me constantly feel like I had to pee). In place of those things was Winnie's Disney paraphernalia: the Tigger stapler, the Eeyore business card holder, the Rabbit post-it holder, the Piglet paper clip holder, and the Pooh pencil holder. On the shelves to the side of the front desk are picture frames covered in Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Donald Duck, and of course, Pooh, with sayings like "CUTIE!" and "FUNNY!" next to each character.Now, I'm not really edumacated in PR or interior design, but I have a pretty good understanding of the idea that first impressions are kind of important. And if I was a businessperson, I would be a little freaked out by the fact that as soon as I walked into an office, I was confronted by the harsh primary-colored smiles of Pooh, Mickey, Goofy, and Eeyore. I'd be freaked out if I walked into ANY building or room and saw that everything in sight was covered with animated characters (minus the Disney Store, obviously). I know these animals(?) are beloved by four year olds the world over, but let's get real. We're supposed to pretend that we are PROFESSIONALS. I mean, isn't that why I have to put on a skirt and heels every morning??

I can just see the tops of Winnie's picture frames over the side of my cubicle. A yellow Donald Duck is staring at me. Glaring, actually. He seems to be saying, "Even if this does turn out to only last a couple of weeks until cubicles are rearranged, I'm going to make your life a living hell."

And so with that, I'm going to go search for new jobs. I just hope Donald keeps my secret and doesn't tell Winnie, because I'm sure it'd get back to my boss. Donald, I have my eye on you too, you half-naked speech-impedimented water fowl.