As I was walking into the office this morning, mine eyes were affronted by what is quite possibly the most perplexing fashion statement known to mankind: gaucho pants. I have a love/hate relationship with gauchos. I know in my inner heart that they are not extremely flattering, but HOT DAMN they are SO comfortable! And it was with both of these toiling inner demons running though my head that I gazed upon our Fashion Victim this morning after storing my lunch safely in the kitchen refrigerator. The picture to the right is only a hint of what said Victim's lower half looked like when I passed her. This picture is fugly, but the internet apparently does not provide examples of the skintight horror that is a pair of much-too-small and MUCH-too-tight gauchos. I feel a smidge bad for our Victim. Janie and I comment on her apparel choices quite frequently (as in, every time we see her). It's not really to make fun of her, more to remind ourselves that wow, THAT is the reason why we should NEVER buy black hotpants embroidered with pink and purple butterflies. Or buy black hotpants themselves. Ever. The reason our Victim looked so WRONG in her gauchos this morning was because she totally bought a pair that was two sizes too small (or they have become two sizes two small over the course of their sad life) and there is nothing like a tight black cotton/spandex blend sucking the life out of your ample bootay, creating a SEVERE cameltoe, and cutting into your pooch and muffin top to start the day off on the wrong foot. And burn out my eyes. 
Ahh, this picture is a least a bit more acceptable. Don't get me wrong--I purchased two pairs of gauchos back when they were all the rage two years ago (which happened to coincide with my senior year of college, when my desire to put on real clothes was conveniently at an all-time low). I still wear my gauchos at home when I'm lounging around in front of the television, and every once in a blue moon I (gasp!) even sport them in the office if I am having a particularly rough day and am sure I won't be leaving my cubicle. I can't give them up...their comfort is unrivaled to any other could-be-sweatpants-could-maybe-pass-as-workpants and because of that they are myyy preciousssssss. But to the Fashion Victim wearing gauchos this morning, sweetheart, you need to let them go. Please. Let them go, along with your cameltoe, because goodness knows I don't need to see your poor exhausted gauchos hugging your private lady bits like that. Leave something to the imagination, mkay?
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